try again.

it just hit me, like a fist in the face, that i am on my own: no one here to embrace;
the truth, hard and cold, like a stone on the ground, tears away the walls, the sky, the clouds.
i feel nothing; my mind is white.
black is the product of all colors.
white is the utter lack of color.
i used to see colors, plenty of them,
but then they dulled to black and white.
some parts of my mind are far too focused.
there is so much color it dulls to a black.
then there are areas of white;
dead zones that are void of color.
i want to white everything out, and restart with new colors.
i want to try again.
how do i do that?
is it even possible?